Go Oxford!

Fucking pikies.


Saw The Constant Gardener last night. Silly name, really. Ralph Feinnes didn't spend nearly enough time in the garden to warrant the title 'constant gardener'. 'Occasional gardener' would have been more fitting. Anyway, the film wasn't as good as Hotel Rwanda. Go see it. I should be on commission.
The whole film experience was marred by a fat man sitting next to me. I like to sprawl out in the cinema with limbs going every-which-way. I like to twist and turn. Contort my lithe, nubile body during a film. I was denied the pleasure last night though. Fat bastard. Fortunately, I had Anthony C (who bizarrely, had a bouffant hair-do) on the other side of me so I was able to invade his space.

Currently listening to: Rhapsody in Blue by George Gershwin

Work is becoming increasingly tedious. It cuts into the things I'd rather be doing like sleeping, going to the gym, having coffee with people, drinking during the day, staying out all night with drugs and drink and loose wo(men). I need to win the lottery big-stylee. I'd be self-improving myself left and right. A course here, a class there. Little jaunts to Florence and NYC to take in the culture and sample the locals. But no. It is not to be.

The problem with not working is that I'd get frightfully bored. I like my job most days, just not lately. I am also sorely underpaid. I knew working in the public sector was the wrong move. Still, at least I'm making a difference in the world. I'll just keep telling myself that. Yeah. It'll make it all better.

Fuck that. The feel-good factor doesn't pay the bills. Does it?

Now listening to: These Are The Things by Black Box Recorder


This evening, I'm dining at St John's. Should be good. I hope. Thank you Jenny.

Thursday is mulled wine and mince pies at my place for the dinner-off crew (see a post from April/May?).

Friday is MCR Guest Night at Magdalen. Thank you Barnaby.

Saturday I will pickle myself as Mark K is in town for the evening/next morning. Annie, Alice, some random Mark and maybe Allyn are going out on the town. We'll show the undergrads how to party. Yeah we will.

Best description of someone ever: "Body by Baywatch, face by Crimewatch". Hilarious.

Was lurking outside the bathroom this morning waiting for The Belgian to emerge. And emerge she did. Towel around the waist but tits hanging out. What a beautiful image with which to start my day. It was positively bowel-loosening. I'm sure SOME sickos would have appreciated it but not me. No sir. Disgusting.

Now listening to: Saturday Night by Suede. Damn good band.

Had my hair cut today. I look dashing. Even more so than usual.

You know there is something very wrong when the sun sets at 15:30. I mean...WTF?!

Coup...

There has been a coup (of all things) in Canadia! I knew my people would rise up against the tyranny...Yay!

Currently listening to: O Canada (the national anthem).

The last few days have been hard on my liver. Oh so hard...

On Friday, Chapelboy, Chapelboy's visiting cousin and James the Singer came around for supper. The meal was, as usual the best thing they'd ever tasted. The accolades were coming thick and fast and after a while (admittedly, a long while) it just got embarrassing. We drank an awful lot. If we'd stuck to wine, we'd have been fine but we moved on to spirits and that's what did for us. Choirboy and cousin left around 1:30 and James left around 2:30. It was a very pleasant night.
The highlight, well, for me, anyway was when Chapelboy removed his sweater and his t-shit went with it. OMG is all I can say. I think my jaw may have visibly dropped.

Now listening to: Love Machine by Girls Aloud

Up at 6 on Saturday morning to make our way to IKEA and then Dover to catch the ferry to Calais. A word of advice, if you've never been on a P&O ferry- don't. It was diabolical. It was quite possibly the largest gathering of chavs I'd ever seen. And, AND, they were immensely fat and spent the voyage shovelling lard into their mouths. MEGA-sized full-fat soft-drinks in one hand, deep-fried lumps of lard in the other. It has to be seen to be believed. Really. I thought I'd seen it all, but then there was the voyage back...SeaFrance is the way forward. Certainly the way to France.

Anyway, in Calais, we went to several booze emporiums, ate at a catastrophically mediocre restaurant and came back laden with over 100 bottles of wine, 4 bottles of vodka, 3 bottles of gin, 3 bottles of whiskey, 3 bottles of port, 24 bottles of good champagne, 24 bottles of slightly less good champagne, jam, nibbly things for the party, beer, and a bag of brioches for me. I rock. Oh yes I do!

Bit of a sticky moment at the Immigration check thing in Dover though. We were in a German car and the Immigration Man asked how long we were staying in the UK. The German didn't know what to say so he said "indefinitely". The Immigration Man didn't like that one bit. No sir...he didn't.

On Sunday, I took myself off to Chapel (without Barnaby who has missed most of the services this term and is surely going to Hell as a consequence) and had Chapelboy sitting next to me. Sadly, Chapelboy smelt of cooking odours. But I still fancied him, obviously. Obviously. After Chapel, James invited me to MCR brunch. Disappointing at best. So much carbohydrate but little else. After that, we went to the Grand Cafe (nice room, terribly over-priced though and you get treated like shit if you only want coffee).

Now listening to: Tomorrow by Slightly Drawn

On Sunday evening, Sweet Barnaby, Lovely Annie and I went to the Advent Service in Magdalen Chapel. It was soporific. After the service, we and James went to Cafe Zouk for supper (mediocre food, worse service. Everyone always raves about Cafe Zouk but it's, like, waaayyy over-rated and over-priced). After supper we went to the bar in Pizza Express (good room, cosy by night, light and airy by day) for a drink and then on to G & D's opposite Christ Church for something sweet.

Monday morning was spent on the river. It was an average outing. The best thing about it was that the river was deserted.

Observations:

-The LRB has the best personals column ever. Absolutely hilarious.
-I am FINALLY off the newsstands as a new issue of Attitude is out.
-I am not terribly enamoured by my job. I'm hoping this is just a phase.
-I am no one's type.
-I miss my parents (I will, of course, never admit this to them).
-I am the best dressed person I know. Just kidding! (or am I)?
-The fatter the people, the smaller the clothes they choose to wear.
-It is difficult to be vegetarian in France.
-Facebook is the best thing ever.
-Friendster, not so much.
-Fat people obviously don't know that black is slimming, preferring instead to clothe themselves in garish pink and lime green. Fools.
-The Belgians are a strange people.
-I am always cold.


Now listening to: God Save The Queen (England is my home now, you see?)

To help pass the time...

Things are on the up...

I've been suffering from a fuck-off HUGE abscess on my gum(s) (I'm never sure if it's plural or not) for the last few days. I rang up my doctor, barely able to speak to ask for an appointment. The bitch said 'no'. NO?! I mean, what the fuck. Why do I pay such exorbitant taxes? Certainly not for some sour-faced bint to say 'no' when I am in serious pain. This would never have happened in my beloved Canadia. I'd have rung my doctor, he'd have said, 'as it's an emergency, come by whenever and I'll squeeze you in'. I'd have left the office in less pain, clutching a prescription for some subsidised drugs and my doctor would have made $50 in 10 minutes. But not in this country. My doctor is of the grin and bear it school of medicine. Fucking bitch.

ANYWAY, the dentist sorted me out. I had to go private but it was worth it.

Off to France tomorrow for cheap booze! Yay! (more than one exclamation mark is so common).

The new series of Little Britain is slightly disappointing. Ting Tong the Thai Bride is not as amusing as I'd hoped.

I think MarketMosley and I should team up to write a pilot a la Jerry and George in Seinfeld. It would be, like, the best thing ever.

Currently listening to April Fools by Rufus Wainwright

This evening, hot chapel boy is coming around for supper. I'm quite looking forward to it. For a South African, he's pretty amusing and didn't object to me giving him sartorial advice (he had far too many buttons done up on his suit).

On Sunday, I think I'm marshalling for the Isis Winter League. I have marshalled in Cambridge but it can't be that different can it? Can it? I hope so. Marshalling in Cambridge was a disaster. I ended causing collisions rather than preventing them.

This isn't directed at anyone in particular but you are the stupidest person I've ever met AND you're really fucking dull.

Now listening to some track by 'Clap Your Hands Say Yeah'. Good band.

Facebook is addictive. I mean it. I spent more hours on Facebook than I did at the gym or on the river this week. Not good. What if I become one of those FAT people I keep seeing? That would be truly catastrophic.

People I miss and have been thinking about a lot:

-Johnny McK (my liver has been almost healthy since you left)
-Oli W (I plucked you from obscurity)
-Tristan J (we shared a toilet seat for a year)
-Helen T (my neighbour in my first year at Cambridge)
-Ed S (filthy, filthy, filthy)
-David P (filthier, filthier, filthier)
-Brian N (my partner in debauchery in DC)
-Mark B (my soon to be partner in debauchery in DC)

I used to spend a lot of time with these people and now they've all gone and left me. They are scattered, variously, around the globe and I don't like it. No, I don't like it one bit. Fuckers.

The political situation in The Gabon is bad. Real bad. Of course, it's gotten worse since the so-called 'election' in 1993.

I don't actually know anything about the political situation in The Gabon but I thought I should say something vaguely political as most people do in their blogs. Besides, The Gabon is in Africa, which says it all, doesn't it? I could have pretty much substituted ANY African country for Gabon...

Now listening to: Gloria from Mozart's Coronation Mass

2 in two days...

The woman next to me is eating to most pungent lunch ever. It's making me ill. I might have to have a word...

Currently listening to: 'Home on Ice' by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

On Saturday, the German and I are off to France for a booze-cruise. Should be good fun. I LOVE France and even the French. I particularly admire their "fuck you" attitude to things...this isn't always appropriate I know but it usually is. Ah...la belle France.

This evening I'm off to the cinema with Phil. Phil's brother is convinced that I'm in love with Phil but it simply isn't true. I'm actually in love with Phil's brother. Nothing like keeping it in the family. Not really! I think Phil (and maybe his brother) might be ever so slightly dirty. And we all know how I feel about that, don't we?

Yesterday, Annie and I had lunch at Georgina's (where else?) . The food is good and cheap (again) and we were secretly hoping (well, not so secretly) that a certain fellow patron would be there. It didn't smell of damp so we knew he hadn't been in a while.

Now listening to: 'Tidal Wave' by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

I fucking hate it when people excuse fatness by saying 'it's glandular'. If they put the lard down and took some exercise, they'd be taking some responsibility for their fat arses.

Everyone is on Facebook. EVERYONE. It's weird who knows who too. I've only been adding people who really are friends to my friends list but it seems that the done thing is to add anyone you've ever seen, spoken with, pissed on etc...I've taken great pleasure and delight in turning down friend requests though. Sad fuckers.

On Sunday, I'm off to an Advent Carol service followed by Formal Hall at Magdalen with Annie, courtesy of the lovely Barnaby. I'm such a Formal Hall whore. At Cambridge, I managed to squeeze in all but 1 Formal Hall in my time there. The one that eluded me was Lucy Cavendish. Lesbo Cavendish...I'm not terribly gutted though.

Now listening to: Cantare e D'Amore by Amedeo Minghi

Amnesia...

Okay, I know I haven't posted in AGES and to be honest, the last couple of weeks have been so alcohol fuelled that I don't really remember much of what happened. The bits I CAN remember include:


drinking rather a lot
wishing Johnny was still in Oxford or at least London (bastard)
drinking rather a lot
being de-friended (I didn't really like him, anyway)
drinking rather a lot
black tie dinner at Green College and strutting my stuff on the dancefloor (thank you, Phil)
drinking rather a lot
crashing the Union free booze event (thank you, Barnaby)
drinking rather a lot
committing dine and dash (not THAT serious a misdemeanour, surely?)
drinking rather a lot
meeting up with old friends (I miss you)
drinking rather a lot
going to Wadham Queer Bop (thank you, Wadham and gays)
drinking rather a lot
going to Avi's birthday party and being chatted up by the prettiest girl there ('nuff said)
drinking rather a lot
being referred to as "Cambridge guy, the sex fiend" (thank you, Piss-boy)
drinking rather a lot
being told that I'm not what a sex fiend is supposed to look like (thank you, Piss-boy's hot, yet common, friend)
drinking rather a lot
dining at Harris Manchester (thank you, CrazyKat)
drinking rather a lot
discovering a fantastic band called 'Clap Your Hands Say Yeah'
drinking rather a lot
being told I am the best cook in Oxford (thank you, Jack/House)
drinking rather a lot
bonding with Chapel boy (thank you, my own SPECIAL brand of charm)
drinking rather a lot
being rude to several people who absolutely deserved to incur my wrath (thank YOU)
drinking rather a lot


It really is a catastrophic situation, I can't remember anything more so you'll just have to be content with the above.


What would you make of this:

"The reason that I haven't been in touch as of late is because I haven't felt too comfortable with our friendship recently. I thought it would be best to lay low and let things pass, but you seem to want more of an explanation, and so I hope that you will accept this. I don't want to sound overly cryptic, but I don't really think a discussion about why I am feeling uncomfortable would be useful. I understand, however, that you may not have any idea why I would be feeling this way, or perhaps you might think that I am reading this situation completely 'wrong', but nonetheless I hope that you will respect my feelings. I certainly don't hold anything against you, and wish you only the best, but I don't think our friendship is really working - for me, in any case."

I mean, what the fuck? I've never been unfriended (disfriended?) before. I am completely in the dark, I am out to sea, I am simply confused (I could go on...)...he doesn't want to sound overly cryptic?!


Currently listening to: 'Details of the War' by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Currently wearing: many layers. It's freakin' freezing in Oxford
Currently wishing: I was wearing many more layers. It's really freakin' freezing in Oxford


MarketMosley has come back on the market (did you see what I did there? Did you? Oh never mind...)...ladies, snap this man up. He won't be available forever...


Now listening to: 'Over and Over Again' by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

G.L.G...

Gays Love Glam. Oh yes they do!

Last night was spent celebrating the lovely Annie's birthday. It started out quite well. Quod, then cocktails at Baby Love...lots of beautiful people including the one Annie and I have been following around town. He turned out to be extremely catastrophic. How could we have been so wrong? AND he smelt of damp.
Anyway, Annie, Alyn, Simon and I drank and chatted and laughed and danced and met some interesting people. We then met Sebastian and Jason. It all went to hell after that, though.

Annie and Sebastian bonded upstairs and Jason and I bonded downstairs. After the wonderfully Sapphic doorwoman chucked us out at 2am, we decided to go back to my place to continue the revelry. That's when it really went to shit. Really.

Jason, who was quite reasonable morphed into a twat and proceeded to have a go at Alyn (who's a gurl by the way). It was painful to watch. Instead of just knocking back the Ratzeputz and munching toast, he went on and on and on about absolute nonsense.

Anyway, they finally left at 4am and I crawled into bed and went all foetal. I like going all foetal sometimes. Very comforting position in which to sleep.

Feel gross this morning and look worse.

Before I met up with Annie last night, I saw Hot Bescher. It was thrilling. He hasn't changed at all. Maybe a few extra pounds around the midsection but otherwise, same old Hot Bescher. Hopefully he, his brother, Jenny and Aaron will come along to Hallow'Queen at St Antony's tomorrow. That'll be beyond hot. The German and I are going frock shopping tomorrow. I'm thinking a little black number to go with my feather boa and some fish-nets. And a cigarette holder. I'd look so fucking hot, man. I had a blast last year despite not remembering most of it. I DO remember people coming up to me in the street for weeks afterwards (and in one case, 10 months afterwards) saying I looked like I was having a good time at Hallow'Queen and please never touch me there or like that again. I keep telling them, being tactile is a GOOD thing! A GOOD THING!!!

Currently listening to: I Believe in You by Kylie Minogue. Happy, happy, happy!

Think I might shave my chest this evening. Thoughts?

Do they love me too?

Pronunciation...

Pronunciation...

Once again, I almost came to blows over the pronunciation of Moet & Chandon.

It is NOT, as is commonly believed, pronounced MO-AY.

The correct pronunciation is Mo-ET.

Yes, you do pronounce the "t" at the end and no, it's not French, it's a Dutch word.

Understand?


Currently listening to: Sunday Part I by Cibo Matto.

McKinsey...

Ugh...I feel rough. Went to the McKinsey recruitment think yesterday. It was a good laugh. Josh and I reminisced about Cambridge days and generally caught up with what we were up to. Chatted to a few McKinsey people and a few Oxford people I'd not met but recognised. The evening started with drinks, followed by dinner then an open bar. An OPEN bar. It was wonderful. People tentatively asked for G & Ts, pints, whiskey etc...it all went to hell when people started asking for bottles of champagne. A good night. Yes...a very good night.

I'm suffering now, though. I suffered most of the night in fact. Catastrophic night's sleep.

Selfridges is like, waaaayyyy better than Saks, Neimans, Macy's, Harrods etc...despite what Gene the KcKinsey partner says.


Currently listening to: I Melt With You by Nouvelle Vague.

Had lunch at Magdalen with Ivan, who is possibly the slowest eater on the planet. I won't be making that mistake again. I dread to think what would happen if he was faced with a 3 course meal (the norm at my house, although I sometimes skip the cheese board. Actually).

This evening, I'm off to chapel at Magdalen. The music is Faure's Requiem (in honour of All Soul's Day) which is sublime. After chapel, I might go to Patty's yoga class and then grad drinks which will be diabolically, wrist-slashingly boring but MIGHT be good. Might.


I am still reeling from Hetracil. Only in the States...

Now listening to: Your Secrets by Belle & Sebastian. I wish they'd do another album.

Saw this and thought of you...

Manners...

I used to think no one apart from me wrote thank you cards/notes anymore until I received a charming card from House today. I say "House" but he'll respond to any name I choose. And like it, too. Thank you House.

On Friday, Anthony came 'round for supper. I had a very pleasant evening and I hope he did too. We chatted about this and that and realised we know lots of people in common. He also introduced me to some great websites. On Saturday, I woke up with a mega hangover and steeled myself to face the morons who clog up the streets of Oxford on a Saturday. I was on a mission to find a suitable costume for Tuvia's Hallowe'en party. In the end, I went as a surgeon. I borrowed some scrubs, acquired by Kat from the hospital (she's a medic), a lab coat acquired by Alice from the Biochemistry Department(she's a Biochemist) , I purchased a fake stethoscope and a HUGE plastic syringe (I'm a consumerist) . I had myself a name-tag that read "Dr Love" and off I went. Surprisingly, everyone apart from 1 person was in fancy dress. That one person was ostracised and made to feel ridiculous and very small. Poor him. Anyway, there were lots of Vampires/Draculas (Draculii?) and a large number of gladiators. It was very homoerotic. I like a bit of homoeroticism.

Currently listening to Facts of Life by Black Box Recorder. Such and under-rated band.

I met some interesting people at the party. There were a few lawyers, a few investment bankers, a few doctors, a few students and several people who did nothing at all. Oh...to be a Trustafarian. Fuckers.

On the oxford Tube, I strategically placed myself next to the rowing boy I've been stalking. He has amazing arms but his shoes were truly catastrophic. Diabolical, even. We had a long chat about rowing, our subjects, iPods etc... and swapped numbers.

Staggered back to Oxford on Sunday morning at 10am and raced to chapel. The preacher was the Chaplain of Hertford College who was at Cambridge at the same time I was and knows a few people I know. It's freaky the way that keeps happening. I met her after the Tyndale Lecture last week at drinks at the Warden's Lodgings at Hertford. She asked if I always slurred my speech (I was slightly drunk) and I asked if she always looked so Sapphic. Anyway, she preached (praught?) very thoughtfully and sent me a lovely email the next day saying we must get together sometime. I suggested coffee. She replied saying she doesn't like coffee but does love pints(!). That's my kind of Chaplain.

Spent the first 10 minutes at work today watching one of my colleagues pick his nose. I tried to look away but I was transfixed. There is something strangely mesmerising about someone picking their nose.


BESCHER IS ARRIVING ON THURSDAY!!!

Hot! Hot!! Hot!!!

This evening, I'm going to a McKinsey recruitment event at Exeter College. I don't want to work for McKinsey, of course, I'm just going to see Josh who I've not seen in ages. Josh was at Cambridge when I was and he skipped off to McKinsey after Part III Maths and is now the lgbt rep type person. Should be good fun. House is going as are a few other pleasant people.

Now listening to: Tongue by R.E.M.
Now looking: very stripy.
Now feeling: very ropey.