New year, new post...

First post of 2007 but definitely not the last. My 1 resolution for 2007 is to continue to amuse and delight my loyal readership. And I know you are legion. Literally 8 of you.

I will begin with a list:

My year in cities (February 2006 (when I last did a cities list)-January 2007):

-Toronto
-Prague
-Geneva
-Cologne
-Munich
-Toronto

I clearly need to travel more.

People I've met who have ROCKED MY WORLD:

-The man in the mirror.

Did you see what I did there? I'm the man in the mirror. I ROCK MY FUCKING WORLD, MAN.

Anyway, I know I promised to post more regularly and I have failed, but failed, to do so. So I offer humble apologies. My lack of posts wasn't my fault though. I was felled by the shits at the beginning of December. I blame 1 of 2 things. Maybe both. (1) I MAY have consumed feces (but not the human variety) with traces of puss. Alternatively, (2) I may have eaten a bad egg. The shell was cracked, the membrane was intact. How was I to know it was bad? After night sweats, soaking sheets, fever, headache etc...I took myself off to my doctor. It was a locum. A freakin' locum. She of the 'it'll get better by itself variety'. I asked for, nay, DEMANDED drugs but the bitch wouldn't prescribe anything. Apparently, it was either something viral or bacterial and the treatment is the same. Plenty of clear fluids and BRAT (bananas, rice, apple sauce, toast). Not a curry, which is what I had. I was up half the night pebble-dashing the toilet. I still have nightmares. And stains in my pants.

I don't really have stains in my pants. I am far too clean for that. FAR TOO CLEAN.

Speaking of stained pants...the worst thing in the world is when you go through the trouble of stealing someone's pants and you get them home only to discover a skid mark.

I know you're all dying to know what I did for Christmas, so I shall tell you. I went to Canadia for 16 days. It was pleasant. No snow, mild temperatures, cheap stuff. I was afraid I'd have to shovel mountains of snow as I usually have to do when I'm there. The only downside was the journey there and back. As god as my witness, I will never travel on Air India again. The only good things about the flight were that it was cheap (£245 return) and it departs from Birmingham International Airport (more convenient to get to than Heathrow). On the minus side: the flight to Toronto was 4 hours late departing. The flight to Birmingham was 2 hours late arriving, the food was inedible, the plane stank at the beginning of the flight but was unbearable (I almost fainted) by the end of the flight. I had to literally run off the plane and take in deep lungfuls of fresh air. The in-flight entertainment system only had 2 channels, the bint stewardess wouldn't let me use the toilets closest to my seat because they were reserved for Executive Class passengers (all 2 of them). Fortunately, I remembered that I am essentially an Englishman and chosen by God tocivilizee the heathen masses so I came over all imperious and used the Executive toilets anyway. I got dirty looks from the stewardess the rest of the flight though. Incidentally, 'stewardesses' is the longest word you can type with your left hand if touch-typing. I am the font of all knowledge. Being essentially an Englishman. There were several attractive people on the flight though, but I wasn't seated anywhere near them. Instead, I had some oaf on one side of me who insisted on using his Blackberry during the flight and kept trying to speak to me (I hid it when he went to the loo. He was frantic) and on the way there, I had some freak who kept asking for weird shit like herbal tea and soya milk for his coffee. He tried to speak to me to but I quelled him with a glance.

At the gym yesterday (my first time in over a month. I ACHE), I had erection after erection. Wednesday at 6pm is evidentally the time the HOT people go. I almost fell off the treadmill, so mesmerised was I by the perfectly formed, lycra-clad ass of the guy running in front of me. Somehow, he ended up near me at each piece of equipment. First it was the treadmill, then the cross trainer, them the mat, then the erg and then the sauna. Coincidence after coincidence. I think he may have been checking me out.