Lists...

Go see Warrior King. Brilliant film.

Things that have been getting my goat lately:

-The weather
-The German
-The cock in my office who wears shiny polyester suits
-The whole 'taxes and charges' thing that adds about 30% to the price of an airline ticket
-The rudeness of not RSVPing to invitations
-The people against profiling by airlines. I'd like to be able to take a book and iPod on board
-The people who should remain silent and be thought fools but who speak and remove all doubt
-The people who describe themselves as having a 'rugby build' when they are, infact, just plain fat
-The people who say they are into bondage and sado masochism but really aren't
-The fucking bitch at the cinema yesterday who talked through the film. Very satisfying watching her get splashed by a car
-The misguided cu nts known as 'animal rights activists'
-The absence from Oxford of Big Straight Phil and Tom the Gay
-The self-important bint in the office who doesn't realise her job can be done by a monkey and is going to be automated when she retires next month
-The people who refer to single entities in the plural- "the University are hoping to..." or "Nat West have raised bank charges..." instead of the correct- "the University IS hoping to..." and "Nat West HAS raised bank charges..."
-The people who go on and on about the size of their stipend but never buy a round of drinks or bring wine/anything when invited to supper
-The people who get offended when you point this out to them

The ultimate iPod playlist:

-Tidal Wave by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!
-Kelly Watch The Stars by Air
-If 6 Was 9 by Axiom
-Supergirl by Reamon
-Remember by Air
-Lay Lady Lay by Magnum
-The Drugs Don't Work by The Verve
-Lilac Wine by Jeff Buckley
-Destiny by Zero 7
-Push the Button by Sugababes
-What Gives With You by Abraham
-Walk on By by Dionne Warwick
-Here's Where The Story Ends by The Sundays
-Mysteries by Beth Gibbons
-Lost and Found by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!
-Heartbeats by Jose Gonzalez
-Ooh La La by Goldfrapp
-I Did It My Way by Frank Sinatra
-Making Plans For Nigel by Nouvelle Vague
-Tear Drop my Massive Attack
-Mrs Robinson by Weezer
-Killin' Time by Matt Lewis Band
-So Here We Are by Bloc Party
-As Time Goes By by Billie Holiday
-Dream Is Over by Milli Vanilli
-Winning A Battle, Losing a War by Kings of Convenience
-Toy Soldier by Martika
-Beyond the Sea by Bobby Darin
-Wrecking Ball by Viva Voce
-Dramamine by Modest Mouse
-Dream A Little Dream of Me by Mama Cass
-Bloody Motherfucking Asshole by Martha Wainwright
-Glory Box by Portishead
-Yes Sir, I Can Boogie by Goldfrapp
-Don't Stop Me Now by McFly
-Brand New Car by Feeder
-Bermuda Highway by My Morning Jacket
-Cocktails For Two by Spike Jones
-Under The Tree by The Water Babies
-Seether by Veruca Salt

Kinky pervert...

Making someone call me 'Daddy' whilst I urinate on them doesn't make me a perv.
I (and several friends) got a free meal out of it and I found the whole situation strangely erotic. There's no accounting for taste. I mean, I KNOW urine is sterile (even if many Oxford medical students don't) but I certainly don't want to make someone kneel in the bathtub whilst wearing a complimentary British Airways eyemask and beg Daddy to punish him because he's been playing with himself. Oh no...not me. Not that I've ever been in that situation, of course...still, there is that free meal to think of...and an academic salary doesn't go far. I'm just saying...

So, after the imaginary incident above took place, I skipped off to the Tingewick Garden Party at Green College. It was pleasant enough but would have been more so if a certain short, balding (blonde highlights only call attention to the problem, not hide it) with lesions around the lips (labia?) medic hasn't been there. Things didn't really kick off until Phil and Morven (almost 30 minutes late) arrived. James M was also there as was Phil's ginger friend Hamish who looks better in photographs but is very pleasant. And he likes his dairy products. Kurds and whey. Did you see what I did there? He's courting an Iraqi woman....Iraqi, Kurd...no? Fuck off.

After quaffing lots of fizzy stuff and downing scones and clotted cream (and the odd wasp) we took ourselves off to Pizza Express at the Castle Prison place. I could eat at Pizza Express everyday. Infact I did go through a phase of eating there everyday for 10 days in Cambridge. After the 6th day, they threw in the dough balls for free. On the 7th day they offered a free glass of wine and on the 10th day, the waiter gave me his number...

Phil, as usual, disgraced himself and us by stuffing his trousers with paper towels in the loo. I mean, I went along with it but there was hardly room for one folded up paper towel in my pants but Phil managed several dozen.

After dinner, we went to The Living Room (I was expecting it to be full of chavs) and do you know, it was full of chavs. But in a pleasant way. James M and I had a good long chat and met some lovely townies.

Currently listening to: 'Snippets' by Amateur Transplants. Hilarious.

Birthdays...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRIAN!


I'll visit you soon, I promise. We'll show the DC gays how to party. Yeah...

Our House...

Sometimes, it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

A truer word was never spoken.

Just thought I'd pass those words of wisdom on. Nothing at all to do with my weekend though.
The weekend was interesting. On Saturday, the German and I interviewed potential housemates. Of the 26 people who responded to the ad, we invited 10 for interview. 2 came on Wednesday and the rest on Saturday. Apart from one of them, they were all reasonably pleasant. Yep, only 1 freak. I was responsible for arranging interviews so I of course only invited the ones I thought would be fit. And male.

I did let 'Ingrid' come see the house and meet us though. I was expecting a buxom German or Scandinavian. Tall, leggy blond, enormous jugs...you get the idea. Instead, Ingrid turned out to be a vertically challenged Taiwanese female. Yuck. Don't get me wrong. I have a lot of time for the Taiwanese. They are a noble people. I do all in my power to buy cut-rate goods manufactured by young, underpaid children who should be at school but instead are slaving away in factories.
Anyway, Ingrid was catastrophic. She rang me to say 'I am at your house. Please can you open the door'. Why didn't the bint ring the bell? I thought to myself. I opened the door to not find her. I walked to the pavement to see her standing about 5 doors away with a man. I beckoned them over and sat them down in the living room. Had a brief chat and showed her the kitchen and garden. Took her upstairs to show her the bathroom and the room in question. 'Only 1 bathroom?'. Erm, no. There is another one but it's invisible to all but me. Moron. After raising objections to wireless broadband, parties/noise, drinking, she announced 'I will take this room'. Like fuck you will, I thought. I mumbled something about having more people to see and that we'd be in touch on Sunday. 'How can I secure this room?'. I will sign the lease today.'. No you fucking won't. Finally got rid of her. We didn't even bother making notes or awarding her a score. We just topped up our pink G&Ts and shook our heads in disbelief that people like that existed outside the realms of fiction.

Heavenly Host...

I am such a good host. It's not easy being such a good host. Making sure the food is delicious, glasses are topped up etc...Being the solicitous host is terribly hard work. And thankless. Completely thankless. Sure, the guests have a good time but what do I get out of it? I get to arm-wrestle Big Straight Phil (BSP) and come away with a few wank fantasies...
I ask you...why do I do it? Huh? Why?

On Saturday, BSP, Morven, Alexandra, Tom and Guy came around for supper. I had a marvellous time. Even though Morven gets a bit randy when she's pissed. I've lost count of the number of times I had to say "No Morven. I do not want to have sexual relations with you. It's Phil, Tom and Guy I'm interested in, not you". But she was having none of it. She's relentless. And the number of times she just happened to brush against me...I felt dirty and used.

Speaking of relentless, had to endure sangria and cheese on Friday night. Fortnately, Sophia and Ben Van D were also in attendence. I made friends with 2 lovely females (Harriet and Grace) and got the hell out of there as quicky as I could without arousing suspicion. And certainly without being aroused.

Spent Sunday lounging around New College Gardens with Phil and Tom. I'd rather have had Guy but Tom came instead. It was better for him than it was for me. We invented a new game called Flip-Flop Flicking. It is a game of great skill and requires hours of daily training for many years before one becomes proficient in it. We were joined by James G and headed over to Quod for coffee. All the waiters at Quod are of the homosexualist variety. That is, they like to undulge in a bit of cockplay every now and then. I know this because I read a lot.

Currently listening to: Lost and Found by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!