Defriending...
The weekend started off well. Black tie dinner thing at Green College, Oxford with BSP, Sophia and Oz! The meal was excellent, sadly, the company less so. Whilst the four of us were having a gay ole time chatting and laughing, the people next to us were cocks. A blind man and his 'girlfriend'. I'd met the girlfriend before. Nice but bland. Blindy was just a cock. So fucking conceited and critical of everything. Shocking. I'd hate to be like that, wouldn't you? I'm glad I can see. Vision, oh vision, how I love you, my wonderful vision. That's not a song Blindy will be singing in a hurry...
After dinner, we were joined by Annie, Mo and Thimon. Mo is very pleathant as are Annie and Thimon. We went to Angels for a drink then back to Green for a boogie. Alex joined us at that point and we had a turn around the dancefloor and then went outside for a fresh of breath air. Alex and I climbed a tree, gave one another piggybacks and generally had a good laugh. BSP is a very thoughtful and solicitous host and I rewarded him by allowing him to mount me. Also, it's amazing the number of breasts I've touched by saying 'don't be alarmed, I'm a homosexual'. It works everytime. Even the boyfriends don't mind.
Most of Saturday was very pleasant. Lunch with Alex, coffee with Bodman who was visiting with Rob on their way to South Africa for 6 months. 6 months?! Better them than me. I made a list of their stuff I wanted should they get murdered there. You know what a lawless place it is. Went to an outdoor concert sung by Magdalen College choir and generally lounged around and chatted to people. Thing went downhill later though. The 'friend' who was visiting (who was vaguely normal last time) texted to say he would be arriving at 7pm. I got home around 18:45 and waited for his imminent arrival. And waited. And waited. Texted him to ask if he was lost. Waited some more then rang. 'Oh, I stopped off to see a friend and stayed longer than I thought'. Not a problem had he let me know, but I would have been waiting for ages wondering what had happened to him if I hadn't got in touch. Rocked up to my house at 20:45 without a word of apology but carrying an enormous basket of smelly laundry and a HUGE black bin liner full of smell kitchen waste. 'what the fuck is that?'. I asked? 'Oh, can I borrow your washing machine? I don't have one and I just do laundry wherever I happen to be staying'. WTF?! Not a good start to his visit, I don't mind telling you.
He then spent the rest of the evening telling me I just had to go to North Oxford with him to see some fucking garden he designed . We went out for drinks and he moaned very loudly about the lack of ice or lemon and the plastic glasses. Sophia and I were like, FFS (for fuck sake) IT'S FREE, just drink it and shut up. Went to the Bridge which was okay and then to bed.
Awoke to him telling me I had to come see his garden and what did I think of a picnic? I thought 'I'm going to dig that fucking garden up and you can stick the picnic up your arse.', but instead I said, I don't like picnics and I still didn't want to see the bloody garden.
Tried to go back to sleep but failed as he kept yammering on about his fucking garden. Finally got up to get a glass of water and have a pee only to discover that he was having a dump whilst reading Men's Health. Now, having a dump and reading Men's Health are two activities I engage in frequently. Infact, often simultaneously, but the difference is that I CLOSE THE DOOR. Not only do I CLOSE THE DOOR but I also don't pebble dash the toilet. I could have forgiven the open-door-defecating and the pebble-dashing but what I can't forgive, either now or indeed, ever, is the fact that he didn't wash his hands after having a dump. I had to follow him around the house discreetly spritzing with Dettol everything he touched. On the plus side, we now have the cleanest door knobs, light switches, television remote control, fridge handle etc...in the whole of Oxford. Still, what a price to pay.
Went to Joe's for brunch with Barnaby where he proceeded to complain that the menu wasn't extensive enough. What a cock. When I suggested punting, he had the audacity to say 'I like to get wasted when I punt, I could stay another night then head back to Henley tomorrow.' No you fucking can't I thought and invented an evening visitor. Finally got the cunt to leave around 5pm. He wants to come back in a couple of weeks but I reckon I'll be busy, don't you?
MCR banquet at Magdalen on Tuesday evening with BSP, Barnaby, Sophia and a few other people I like. And James. Black tie, of course. I seem to spend more time in black tie than out.
I did get some good news on Friday, though: Hot Bescher is coming to London! It'll be magical.
Currently listening to: Wonderful by Adam Ant.
Currently wearing: very little. the air-conditioning in the office is malfunctioning and apparently, a crane is needed to repair it.
Currently looking forward to: a long sweaty session at the gym. AND I'm going to do some exercise.
Currently regretting: not being in Cambridge. It's May Week and May Week is the best time to be in Cambridge.
Things I'm grateful for:
-my health
-my family
-my friends
-having somewhere to live
-having a job
-rohypnol
After dinner, we were joined by Annie, Mo and Thimon. Mo is very pleathant as are Annie and Thimon. We went to Angels for a drink then back to Green for a boogie. Alex joined us at that point and we had a turn around the dancefloor and then went outside for a fresh of breath air. Alex and I climbed a tree, gave one another piggybacks and generally had a good laugh. BSP is a very thoughtful and solicitous host and I rewarded him by allowing him to mount me. Also, it's amazing the number of breasts I've touched by saying 'don't be alarmed, I'm a homosexual'. It works everytime. Even the boyfriends don't mind.
Most of Saturday was very pleasant. Lunch with Alex, coffee with Bodman who was visiting with Rob on their way to South Africa for 6 months. 6 months?! Better them than me. I made a list of their stuff I wanted should they get murdered there. You know what a lawless place it is. Went to an outdoor concert sung by Magdalen College choir and generally lounged around and chatted to people. Thing went downhill later though. The 'friend' who was visiting (who was vaguely normal last time) texted to say he would be arriving at 7pm. I got home around 18:45 and waited for his imminent arrival. And waited. And waited. Texted him to ask if he was lost. Waited some more then rang. 'Oh, I stopped off to see a friend and stayed longer than I thought'. Not a problem had he let me know, but I would have been waiting for ages wondering what had happened to him if I hadn't got in touch. Rocked up to my house at 20:45 without a word of apology but carrying an enormous basket of smelly laundry and a HUGE black bin liner full of smell kitchen waste. 'what the fuck is that?'. I asked? 'Oh, can I borrow your washing machine? I don't have one and I just do laundry wherever I happen to be staying'. WTF?! Not a good start to his visit, I don't mind telling you.
He then spent the rest of the evening telling me I just had to go to North Oxford with him to see some fucking garden he designed . We went out for drinks and he moaned very loudly about the lack of ice or lemon and the plastic glasses. Sophia and I were like, FFS (for fuck sake) IT'S FREE, just drink it and shut up. Went to the Bridge which was okay and then to bed.
Awoke to him telling me I had to come see his garden and what did I think of a picnic? I thought 'I'm going to dig that fucking garden up and you can stick the picnic up your arse.', but instead I said, I don't like picnics and I still didn't want to see the bloody garden.
Tried to go back to sleep but failed as he kept yammering on about his fucking garden. Finally got up to get a glass of water and have a pee only to discover that he was having a dump whilst reading Men's Health. Now, having a dump and reading Men's Health are two activities I engage in frequently. Infact, often simultaneously, but the difference is that I CLOSE THE DOOR. Not only do I CLOSE THE DOOR but I also don't pebble dash the toilet. I could have forgiven the open-door-defecating and the pebble-dashing but what I can't forgive, either now or indeed, ever, is the fact that he didn't wash his hands after having a dump. I had to follow him around the house discreetly spritzing with Dettol everything he touched. On the plus side, we now have the cleanest door knobs, light switches, television remote control, fridge handle etc...in the whole of Oxford. Still, what a price to pay.
Went to Joe's for brunch with Barnaby where he proceeded to complain that the menu wasn't extensive enough. What a cock. When I suggested punting, he had the audacity to say 'I like to get wasted when I punt, I could stay another night then head back to Henley tomorrow.' No you fucking can't I thought and invented an evening visitor. Finally got the cunt to leave around 5pm. He wants to come back in a couple of weeks but I reckon I'll be busy, don't you?
MCR banquet at Magdalen on Tuesday evening with BSP, Barnaby, Sophia and a few other people I like. And James. Black tie, of course. I seem to spend more time in black tie than out.
I did get some good news on Friday, though: Hot Bescher is coming to London! It'll be magical.
Currently listening to: Wonderful by Adam Ant.
Currently wearing: very little. the air-conditioning in the office is malfunctioning and apparently, a crane is needed to repair it.
Currently looking forward to: a long sweaty session at the gym. AND I'm going to do some exercise.
Currently regretting: not being in Cambridge. It's May Week and May Week is the best time to be in Cambridge.
Things I'm grateful for:
-my health
-my family
-my friends
-having somewhere to live
-having a job
-rohypnol
posted by OrlandoCatastrophic at Monday, June 19, 2006
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